The man in my life.

Clint,

I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart.  I have never in my life been so happy with any one. You are an amazing man, husband and friend that I can not imagine my life without you.  God definately had a hand in placing you in my life at the best time for both of us.  We needed to go through so many things before he opened our eyes to the best love of our lives.  Those struggles made us who we are, so we can trudge through obstacles together.


This is one of our obstacles. 

I know the last few months, well 9, have been just as difficult for you as they have been for me (maybe more!).  You have no control over the situation (well you do AMAZING with some parts...) but feel helpless with everything else. 

Sunday, when we were keeping the nursery at church, it did two things to me.

1. It made my heart swell with happiness to see you playing with the little monkeys.  You are so good with them and it just comes natural to you.   
2. It made my heart break.  I want to be able to give you a child, our child, one day and at times I feel like I am failing you.  (I KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE, but it feels like it sometimes.) 

You are going to be such a great daddy! 

Making a baby is, and should be, such an amazing act of love and God's power.  When you break down the process, there is such a SMALL LITTLE WINDOW of OPPORTUNITY to get pregnant and timing is everything!!  It can only be defined as a miracle.

I never had my AHA! moment until a few days ago.  I didn't understand why girls/women could have sex ONE TIME and get pregnant.  It made me angry and jealous.  The only answer for that is it was THEIR time.  That baby was meant to be made at that exact moment in time for them for whatever the circumstance.  

I have taken all of that for granted.  Making life is so extremely precious.  After I finally GOT IT, I have had this overwhelming peace about things.  (I am choking back tears as I type this.  Its that kind of moment!) 

Although things are looking promising this cycle and I pray every day that your soldiers attacked my egg  like a SPARTAN, I am ok if this cycle is not our time.  I believe with all my heart that we WILL be parents when it is OUR PERFECT MOMENT!!

We won't take it for granted either, because that baby will be made out of such love and respect, tears and guilt.

IT WILL BE WORTH IT!!!!

I love you!