Happy 2nd day of leftovers! I hope everyone's holiday was great. ON TO XMAS!!!! I love Xmas. So excited. We started decorating yesterday.
Our Thanksgiving was especially full of thanks this year. We decided to just tell our parents now and everyone else (in real life) around Xmas. The way it all worked out, each parent was going to be told separately. Here is each scenario.
1. Clint's mom. She called to wish us Happy T day. We were thinking of going to see his brother in Bowling Green, KY that night, but decided against it. She asked if we were still going. Clint grinned at me and said, well Courtney hasn't been feeling all that great. She asked (in a joking way) "she's not pregnant is she?" He laughed and said "actually she is!" She squealed and was ecstatic.
2. Clint's dad. We went to see him to visit Thursday mid-morning. He always makes coffee for me when we go visit. True to form, he made someand let me know it was ready. Clint said well, she needs to cut back on her caffeine. (pause) For at least the next 9 months. It took his dad a second and then said "what?' Are you serious? Um, yep I sure hope so. He was so happy.
3. My dad. He is a fireman and was working Thursday. We went to go visit. We were in the kitchen chatting with him and a policeman friend of his. The policeman was talking about being a granddad of 5 (there's my cue!) I said, "well daddy's going to be." The policeman said, "are you pregnant?" before it registered with my dad. He finally said, "are you?" I just grinned and shook my head yes. He started to tear up. Adorable.
4. My mom. She is one tough cookie. I wanted it to be perfect telling her. It was going to be hard since the whole fam was around. After we eat each year, we write a gift we want on a piece of paper to draw names. That is always full of commotion and laughter at what everyone wants. Anyway, each year she wants a written out list of what we want so she can shop for us. Bless her heart. I told her I had our list up in the bonus room and we went up to get it. I had her read the list so she could ask questions about things. She read over Clint's with minimal questions and then went to mine. She asked a couple of questions and then got to the word "DIAPERS." She read it out loud and read it out loud again. "What do you need diapers for?" Then she looked at me finally and said "Are you pregnant?" She hugged me and started to cry. Success!
All were a complete success and couldn't have went better.
We did go shopping Black Friday. One of the malls in Nashville opened up at midnight. So we decided what the heck. I went home to take a nap and took out on our adventure. We shopped for a couple hours and were feeling wide awake. Although, let me tell you the whole time I was nauseous. Yep, symptom one! We went to another area of shops and finally got home about 6:45AM!!! I still can't believe we did that. We got A LOT of shopping done and are just about done shopping.
CONFESSION: I took another test today. I know I took 2 on Wednesday, but I had this uneasy feeling. It was a digital and read PREGNANT. I was at peace then.
I am so excited for bloodwork on Monday. We got 4 books about pregnancy and I am a reading machine, so of course I have been reading them, but Clint is really not a reader. He got a Father to be book and Pregnancy for Dummies and has been reading it and reading to me. It is so amazingly adorable!
I have loved spending time with him these past two days. Our relationship has always been super strong, but this weekend it went to another closeness. I love him!!!
HOW WERE YOUR HOLIDAYS???
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU ATE??
This world may be full of ups and downs, but with God, family, happiness, and health, it is such a great ride!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thankful Thanksgiving Thursday!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
I hope everyone has a great day and you have plenty of family to spend with, larger pants to change into when the ones you are wearing are too tight, and possibly some drama. What's a holiday without some Drama!!
In loo of T-giving, I am going to list some things I am thankful for. I had to put some pictures in!
1. Of course, the man in my life and My Baby's Daddy!! (Still weird to wrap my curly hair around!!)
3. My Families.(I didn't want to put them on on the blog, because they don't know about it.)
4. Our health!
5. YOU LADIES!!! I wouldn't make it without y'all being in my life everyday.
6. Carrying on the tradition of spending Black Friday with Clint, shopping and people viewing.
7. There are many many other things, but this life we have conceived. I am overwhelm with thanks and gratitude. Concieving is such a miracle with the small window of opportunity. We feel very very blessed. (Clint has already been reading up on things and making sure I am getting my vitamins and fiber! Gotta love him. He is going to be a GREAT daddy.)
It has been a long, rocky road (not the icecream) and I am now scared SH*&less. There are so many new worries. I am going to try not to dwell on them. We are telling our parents today and am looking forward to their reactions. We are holding out to tell everyone else until Xmas-time. Won't that be fun. At least we got our turkey baking!!!
Have a great Thanksgiving day. What are you thankful for???
I hope everyone has a great day and you have plenty of family to spend with, larger pants to change into when the ones you are wearing are too tight, and possibly some drama. What's a holiday without some Drama!!
In loo of T-giving, I am going to list some things I am thankful for. I had to put some pictures in!
1. Of course, the man in my life and My Baby's Daddy!! (Still weird to wrap my curly hair around!!)
2. Our fur-kids!
4. Our health!
5. YOU LADIES!!! I wouldn't make it without y'all being in my life everyday.
6. Carrying on the tradition of spending Black Friday with Clint, shopping and people viewing.
7. There are many many other things, but this life we have conceived. I am overwhelm with thanks and gratitude. Concieving is such a miracle with the small window of opportunity. We feel very very blessed. (Clint has already been reading up on things and making sure I am getting my vitamins and fiber! Gotta love him. He is going to be a GREAT daddy.)
It has been a long, rocky road (not the icecream) and I am now scared SH*&less. There are so many new worries. I am going to try not to dwell on them. We are telling our parents today and am looking forward to their reactions. We are holding out to tell everyone else until Xmas-time. Won't that be fun. At least we got our turkey baking!!!
Have a great Thanksgiving day. What are you thankful for???
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Dun Dun Dun.....
So this morning was the day. Either I am pregnant or I call the RE to get prometrium to start my period. I was honestly thinking that I would be making the call at 8am this morning to get a prescription. I wanted to get on to the next cycle.
I had to be up at 4:15am and I walked to the bathroom and did the fabulous POAS. I am becoming a pro, let me tell you! I went to go make some coffee and walked back in there I guess a couple min later. I looked twice because it had 2 pink lines!!!!!!
I waited until I had to pee again like 30 min later to take a more expensive test. I didn't want to wake Clint unless I had too. I sat on the toilet and musterd up as much as I could and took that test. Not a minute later, I saw 2 pink lines!!!!
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
I went and woke Clint up and asked if he "was ready to be a daddy?" It took him a second, but it registered! He was grinning like a ChesireCat. I started to cry and he hugged me! I am still in shock. I was starting to think it was on to #11. Nope. After ten very long cycles, we did it.
I called the RE and I go in to get bloodwork Monday morning.
Thank you ladies for all of your support, well wishes, and baby dust! I am sending it all your way!
I hope you don't stop reading my blog. I will continue to talk about all the bumps (no pun intended!) in Clint and I's life! Thank you again! I couldn't have gotten through without you!
We got our turkey!!!
I had to be up at 4:15am and I walked to the bathroom and did the fabulous POAS. I am becoming a pro, let me tell you! I went to go make some coffee and walked back in there I guess a couple min later. I looked twice because it had 2 pink lines!!!!!!
I waited until I had to pee again like 30 min later to take a more expensive test. I didn't want to wake Clint unless I had too. I sat on the toilet and musterd up as much as I could and took that test. Not a minute later, I saw 2 pink lines!!!!
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
I went and woke Clint up and asked if he "was ready to be a daddy?" It took him a second, but it registered! He was grinning like a ChesireCat. I started to cry and he hugged me! I am still in shock. I was starting to think it was on to #11. Nope. After ten very long cycles, we did it.
I called the RE and I go in to get bloodwork Monday morning.
Thank you ladies for all of your support, well wishes, and baby dust! I am sending it all your way!
I hope you don't stop reading my blog. I will continue to talk about all the bumps (no pun intended!) in Clint and I's life! Thank you again! I couldn't have gotten through without you!
We got our turkey!!!
Monday, November 23, 2009
14 DPO
I tested this morning and it was a BFN! There is no sign of AF either. I called the RE to ask what to do and she said to wait until CD 35 and test again. (That will be Wednesday.) If it is yet another BFN, then they will start me on Prometrium to start my period. I am frustrated at my body. I thought i was finally functioning normally. Geez, can I get a break please.
Of course, I am sad, but I'm still trying to keep a little window of hope open!
Please be thinking AF or BFP!! Thanks ladies!!
Of course, I am sad, but I'm still trying to keep a little window of hope open!
Please be thinking AF or BFP!! Thanks ladies!!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I suppose this is update part 2?
Hello lovies! I hope your week has been spectacular. If it hasn't it is O.V.A! Thanksgiving is next week. Woot woot chica chica! (Don't mind the little mixology!) I LOVE Thanksgiving, well its third to Christmas and my birthday!
When Clint and I started dating, T-giving and holidays for that matter got STRESSFUL. I'm talking I was wound so tight I could put coal up my butt and make gold! We were getting in 3 families in 2 days. It hasn't been about being thankful and spending QT with fam. It has been hurry up and eat SOME, so we can hurry up and eat SOME more in a coupld of hours.
My family is UBER traditional to a very extreme extent. ANY change is looked down upon on holidays. This was a pebble in our road at first. We tried to make everyone happy, EXCEPT US!
This year, the 2 of the families wanted to do it at 4pm. We came to a decision of alternating T-giving day with one side. We will go see Clint's dad earlier that day, but he is the least stressful to visit of anyone! I did and still do feel guilty as it will be my family's turn this year. I feel guilt because 8 out of 10 times Clint sacrifices his time with his fam for my traditionally psychotic one! We see my fam once a week at church and if need be they live 4 min down the road. (Clint bought the house before we started dating.) He gets to see his fam on special occasions.
I am definately less stressed about that day though which is a blessing. My mom "seemed" ok with our decision. Well, to my face. Who knows what she truly feels! She is a VERY private mama.
Speaking of traditions, do y'all participate in dun dun dun........
WHEN SHOULD I TEST??
I have had such a good feeling about this cycle. Well, until the pinkish goo. Then last night when it had stopped I got exctied again. My temp has been up and steady. I am scared to test to be honest. I don't want to go on to #11!! Although, I will get through it, if I must, with y'alls and Clint's help.
WOW....this was a long one! I guess I should post more often. When I start typing my little phalanges just don't quit.
Have a GREAT Saturday. Any fun plans???
When Clint and I started dating, T-giving and holidays for that matter got STRESSFUL. I'm talking I was wound so tight I could put coal up my butt and make gold! We were getting in 3 families in 2 days. It hasn't been about being thankful and spending QT with fam. It has been hurry up and eat SOME, so we can hurry up and eat SOME more in a coupld of hours.
My family is UBER traditional to a very extreme extent. ANY change is looked down upon on holidays. This was a pebble in our road at first. We tried to make everyone happy, EXCEPT US!
This year, the 2 of the families wanted to do it at 4pm. We came to a decision of alternating T-giving day with one side. We will go see Clint's dad earlier that day, but he is the least stressful to visit of anyone! I did and still do feel guilty as it will be my family's turn this year. I feel guilt because 8 out of 10 times Clint sacrifices his time with his fam for my traditionally psychotic one! We see my fam once a week at church and if need be they live 4 min down the road. (Clint bought the house before we started dating.) He gets to see his fam on special occasions.
I am definately less stressed about that day though which is a blessing. My mom "seemed" ok with our decision. Well, to my face. Who knows what she truly feels! She is a VERY private mama.
Speaking of traditions, do y'all participate in dun dun dun........
Clint and I do. We love it. We get up at the butt crack of doom day and get out in the craziness. We never have a list or something special to go for. We just go to go. It has become our tradition and special time together. Not a lot of couples can shop together, especially at 4AM! We actually look forward to watching the crazies get all flustered and agitated over a something like a memory card or tv.
After we get back from shopping and laughing at people, (its a hobby I know y'all can relate to!) we start putting up XMAS decor!! (Woot woot chica chica) LOVE LOVE LOVE.
What are your plans for Thanksgiving?? Does each member bring a dish to the meal or does the host prepare everything?? We divy up responsibilities and bring different dishes.
OK....now for 2 important things. My mother in law is moving in yes. She has been packing up her stuff and getting it all together to be bringing it supposedly on Monday. One of you asked it I am ok with this?? Neither one of us are EXCITED about it. It will be different and change the house dynamic as well as me having to put clothes on to walk around, BUT we came to the decision that we have NO reason not to let her move in. We are blessed to be able to have a room for her and financially sustain her until she gets back on her feet. We plan on having an intervention you might say with her about what her plans are for a job and how long she plans on staying. We have to set ground rules. Although, Clint and I will talk about things before hand, I let him know that it is not my place to tell his mom what to do. He, by and large, will be the one to lay down the law. I am ok with that!
****WARNING....Be prepared for TMI!!!***** DON'T READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY INNARDS.
Next on the agenda, I am 12 DPO today. The past 4 days I have had pink CM. Not enough to get on the undies, but still there. It stopped last night-ish. I have made myself crazy trying to figure it out and I have decided I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON!! I don't think it was a period, but I don't know if it was implantation bleeding My LP is typcially 13-14 days, so I dunno. ANY IDEAS??
WHEN SHOULD I TEST??
I have had such a good feeling about this cycle. Well, until the pinkish goo. Then last night when it had stopped I got exctied again. My temp has been up and steady. I am scared to test to be honest. I don't want to go on to #11!! Although, I will get through it, if I must, with y'alls and Clint's help.
WOW....this was a long one! I guess I should post more often. When I start typing my little phalanges just don't quit.
Have a GREAT Saturday. Any fun plans???
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Ramblin's part 1
Let me just start off by saying Thank you ladies so much for being my support system. I tell Clint about all the great things you girls say and he told me the other day, "its like your own little therapy session." He is so WISE! Y'all are amazing and I feel so blessed to have such good blog-friends.
In church, Sunday morning, one of the points that our preacher said that really hit home to me was he was talking about his bypass surgery he just had about 6 weeks ago. He said he didn't know why he had to go through it and might not ever know, but now he knows what it feels like to go through it and he can help someone else.
I just sat (completely zoning our for the rest of the sermon) and started to think of all us dealing with IF issues. We might not know why the heck WE have to deal with this Big Ugly Zit on our butts, but we are all getting through it together! We are helping each other deal with the stresses, the waits, the emotional ROLLER COASTERS, and the all around jealousy towards other mom's to be. IF is not an easy thing to deal with, BUT with this supportive community, it does ease it quite a bit.
Here's a question! WHY ARE WE SO AFRAID OF TALKING ABOUT IT IN REAL LIFE??
Honestly, we are afraid. A lot of women deal with it, yet we have no idea that someone dear and in arms length is going through this tramatic time. For me, it is that I feel I am a failure at doing the one thing I was put on this earth to be. A mama! To procreate the earth and show so much love to a child that the love of my life and I CREATED together.
I feel like it should be easy to get pregnant. Well, that is what is beat into our heads as teenagers that you have sex ONE time and whammo slammo you are knocked up. And for some Fertile Mertiles that reigns true, but for some (Cough* us Cough* ) it comes downs to perfect timing, little sticks that you pee on all through out the month(and let's be honest, trying not to pee on your hand), taking your temp at ungodly hours, needles, spreadsheets, and lord knows what else, just to get pregnant. Holy bu-jeezy it is E.X.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.
What are your reasons for your blog???
Ending on a happier note, my bloggin buddy, JC gave me this fab award.
1. List 7 things about myself others might not know.
2. Award 7 people with the award.
My 7 things.
1. I am terrified of squirrels. Yeah silly I know, but I don't like mice/rats either and they remind me of mice with big tails.
2. I get in food ruts. I will eat something EVERY DAY, until I get tired of it.
3. Clint and I didn't want to say "I love you" around our families at first so we said "Reeses Pieces." We had them as favors for our wedding reception.
4. I secretly would like to have TWINS. Although, I would DEFINATELY like one for now. Pretty please.
Not so much a secret now.
5. If or when I retire from Personal Training (let's face it, how many 60 year old trainers do you see around? Exactly) I want to work in a bookstore or library.
6. If I had lots of $$$$, I would want a closet just for shoes and purses!
7. If I pass a mirror, I HAVE to look at myself. I can't help it. I am vain I suppose.
Thank you, JC for this award! I am blown away!
Tag you are it.....
Hubby, Baby, and me....., Bee in the Bonnet, Stefanie, The Sassy Infertile Lady, Jaime, Menden, Tasha
, My girl, EGG
Alright ladies. Your turn!
P.S. My next post will be about the MIL moving in. I didn't want to overwhelm your corneas!
In church, Sunday morning, one of the points that our preacher said that really hit home to me was he was talking about his bypass surgery he just had about 6 weeks ago. He said he didn't know why he had to go through it and might not ever know, but now he knows what it feels like to go through it and he can help someone else.
I just sat (completely zoning our for the rest of the sermon) and started to think of all us dealing with IF issues. We might not know why the heck WE have to deal with this Big Ugly Zit on our butts, but we are all getting through it together! We are helping each other deal with the stresses, the waits, the emotional ROLLER COASTERS, and the all around jealousy towards other mom's to be. IF is not an easy thing to deal with, BUT with this supportive community, it does ease it quite a bit.
Here's a question! WHY ARE WE SO AFRAID OF TALKING ABOUT IT IN REAL LIFE??
Honestly, we are afraid. A lot of women deal with it, yet we have no idea that someone dear and in arms length is going through this tramatic time. For me, it is that I feel I am a failure at doing the one thing I was put on this earth to be. A mama! To procreate the earth and show so much love to a child that the love of my life and I CREATED together.
I feel like it should be easy to get pregnant. Well, that is what is beat into our heads as teenagers that you have sex ONE time and whammo slammo you are knocked up. And for some Fertile Mertiles that reigns true, but for some (Cough* us Cough* ) it comes downs to perfect timing, little sticks that you pee on all through out the month(and let's be honest, trying not to pee on your hand), taking your temp at ungodly hours, needles, spreadsheets, and lord knows what else, just to get pregnant. Holy bu-jeezy it is E.X.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.
What are your reasons for your blog???
Ending on a happier note, my bloggin buddy, JC gave me this fab award.
So the rules for Kreativ Blogger are:
1. List 7 things about myself others might not know.
2. Award 7 people with the award.
My 7 things.
1. I am terrified of squirrels. Yeah silly I know, but I don't like mice/rats either and they remind me of mice with big tails.
2. I get in food ruts. I will eat something EVERY DAY, until I get tired of it.
3. Clint and I didn't want to say "I love you" around our families at first so we said "Reeses Pieces." We had them as favors for our wedding reception.
4. I secretly would like to have TWINS. Although, I would DEFINATELY like one for now. Pretty please.
Not so much a secret now.
5. If or when I retire from Personal Training (let's face it, how many 60 year old trainers do you see around? Exactly) I want to work in a bookstore or library.
6. If I had lots of $$$$, I would want a closet just for shoes and purses!
7. If I pass a mirror, I HAVE to look at myself. I can't help it. I am vain I suppose.
Thank you, JC for this award! I am blown away!
Tag you are it.....
Hubby, Baby, and me....., Bee in the Bonnet, Stefanie, The Sassy Infertile Lady, Jaime, Menden, Tasha
, My girl, EGG
Alright ladies. Your turn!
P.S. My next post will be about the MIL moving in. I didn't want to overwhelm your corneas!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
It's Official
After a few months of not being sure, but leaving the door open, it is official. MIL is going to start moving her stuff in Monday. She is moving in to our house.
That is all for now.
That is all for now.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Could it be any slower??
Hey there fabulous ladies. It is Thursday and almost the weekend! Heck yeah. I love the anticipation to the weekend. Even if we have nothing planned.
Y'all have any crazy plans this weekend??
It has come time.......dun dun dunnnnnnnn
The 2WW. Yeppers! According to my friend, which I tend to have a love hate relationship with. My O date was give or take 3 days ago. Now this is not 100% accurate because we all know we don't walk around with a va-jay-jay cam to get a play by play. Hmmm?? Well, that would surely be interesting. We have taken care of business, and for the heck of it will continue or business building strategy, and now we wait.
That might seem like an easy thing to do, but um YEAH RIGHT!!! Are you crazy? These past few days have been creepin along like a snail. Its the 2 week wait of HELL! Not to mention, I have also had these crazy lower right side abdomen pains. They come and go and yesterday for about 5 seconds this one pain literally made me jump out of my seat. I have N.E.V.E.R felt this before. Of course I googled the shista out of it and got nothing. So who knows, what my psychotic bod is up to. I am hoping and praying for the best though!
Here is my game plan for the next 11 days or so.
1. Stay busy. Cleaning the house, having a dinner party, hanging out with my fab hubs and friends.
2. Continue to take my BBT in the am. (This relieves me mind!)
3. Get some exercise in. (Not too much or too hard core. Just enough to ease my sanity.)
4. Read. Definately a great distraction.
5. Read blogs of course.
Any other bright ideas you got, please enlighten me.
You lovely ladies have a great Thursday and I will update ya later!!
Y'all have any crazy plans this weekend??
It has come time.......dun dun dunnnnnnnn
The 2WW. Yeppers! According to my friend, which I tend to have a love hate relationship with. My O date was give or take 3 days ago. Now this is not 100% accurate because we all know we don't walk around with a va-jay-jay cam to get a play by play. Hmmm?? Well, that would surely be interesting. We have taken care of business, and for the heck of it will continue or business building strategy, and now we wait.
That might seem like an easy thing to do, but um YEAH RIGHT!!! Are you crazy? These past few days have been creepin along like a snail. Its the 2 week wait of HELL! Not to mention, I have also had these crazy lower right side abdomen pains. They come and go and yesterday for about 5 seconds this one pain literally made me jump out of my seat. I have N.E.V.E.R felt this before. Of course I googled the shista out of it and got nothing. So who knows, what my psychotic bod is up to. I am hoping and praying for the best though!
Here is my game plan for the next 11 days or so.
1. Stay busy. Cleaning the house, having a dinner party, hanging out with my fab hubs and friends.
2. Continue to take my BBT in the am. (This relieves me mind!)
3. Get some exercise in. (Not too much or too hard core. Just enough to ease my sanity.)
4. Read. Definately a great distraction.
5. Read blogs of course.
Any other bright ideas you got, please enlighten me.
You lovely ladies have a great Thursday and I will update ya later!!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Releasing an egg and a burden!
We are back! It it was such a GREAT GREAT weekend. There have started to become this group of young adults, mostly marrieds, that we have been hanging out with at church. We decided in the summer to go on a retreat sometime in November. Really just to get away and know each other better.
Clint and I were a little apprehensive about going because as much as we love these people, we don't have a heck of a lot in common with them. So we weren't exactly sure how it was going to go.
Highlights of the weekend.
Friday, I took off work and got things ready and Clint just got off early that day. We start up to the place and were called by one of the guys to tell us the directions were wrong that he gave us and he had the correct ones. Ok. That's cool. We weren't too far off the mark. Well, long story short, a 2 hour trip turned into a 3.5-4 hour Tour!
Um yeah! One of mine a Clint's "things" is directions. The way I read them isn't the way he needs to hear them. I have learned through crying/mad trial and error that he just needs the basic directions like what exit to get off and hwy etc. I read the directions EXACTLY how they are written. We are learning.
We didn't do too bad on this 3 hour tour, but we did get frustrated a wee bit! For obvious reasons.
Anyway, we got there safe and sound to this place. Although, the leaves have turned and are off most of the trees, it was an amazing place and everyone got there finally later that night after EV.ER.Y.ONE got lost.
Saturday morning we had a big breakfast and a devotional with an amazing video and makes you realize just how small you are in this universe. Definatley pulled at the heart strings when it went into detail just how precious that moment is when life is produced. YEAH I GOT THAT THANKS.
We had not told anyone about what has been going because 1. we didn't want to take away from all of the couples that drank the water and got pregnant recently and 2. we didn't want the pity card pulled. It was very very hard to keep it together during that part of the video.
One of the guys wanted us to go around the room and say (if you wanted) something that you need prayers for. All Clint and I had to do was look at each other and we knew it was time. The time was right, the trust was there with the small group in attendance. It was time.
It got to Clint and he said, "Courtney and I have been struggling with something in our life since January...." My husband LOST it. He is the strong one! He is my pillar and to see him lose it was (this might be bad) comforting. To see how this is really affecting him made it easier on me. Although, I KNOW he is struggling, it is so good to see it on the outside. I fell in love with him more. I gathered myself and told everyone what was going on and there was not a dry eye in the room. One of the guys said, "can we stop right now and pray for y'all?!" Um yes please and thank you. We are an emotional train wreck over here.
I am so glad we told them. No one pulled the pity card and we felt so loved by each and every person. We know that what was said at the retreat was to stay in our circle and just to know that there are 12 other people thinking about us and praying for us is so humbling and I am without words. (shocker!) I can come up with a few though!!!
We realized that we can't do this alone anymore. I love you girls that read my ramblings and y'all are so supportive, but to actually have someone hug you and say "I wish I would have known sooner, so I could have gave you a listening ear or a hug" is priceless.
The best thing though is that because there were some single girls, that were on the trip, the guys and girls were split up (we had issues about this, but some people in the group were uncomfortable). That's for another post. We "kind of" let them know that this week was "Prime time game time" and that's why we had our own room. They were complete supportive in this. We took advantage. (wink wink)
Clint and I are so blessed. We have so many people in our lives that love us and want us to be parents. It was such a great weekend and a much needed emotional release. It brought me closer to these wonderful people AND to my amazing husband.
You might not feel comfortable telling people in real life of your IF issues and that's fine. You can do what is right for y'all, BUT it was time for us and it was better than we hoped. It's not just us dealing with this anymore, but we have a real life support group. A huge burden was lifted from us. You will just "know" if and when the time comes to open up about your struggles. People WANT to know that they aren't the only ones who feel like they are carrying the world on their shoulders. It not only helps you get that burden off your shoulders, but it takes the focus off of your problems and focusing on someone's elses problems. Everyone is struggling and hurting with something in their lives, you just have to be open and accept help.
Have a great week!!
Clint and I were a little apprehensive about going because as much as we love these people, we don't have a heck of a lot in common with them. So we weren't exactly sure how it was going to go.
Highlights of the weekend.
Friday, I took off work and got things ready and Clint just got off early that day. We start up to the place and were called by one of the guys to tell us the directions were wrong that he gave us and he had the correct ones. Ok. That's cool. We weren't too far off the mark. Well, long story short, a 2 hour trip turned into a 3.5-4 hour Tour!
Um yeah! One of mine a Clint's "things" is directions. The way I read them isn't the way he needs to hear them. I have learned through crying/mad trial and error that he just needs the basic directions like what exit to get off and hwy etc. I read the directions EXACTLY how they are written. We are learning.
We didn't do too bad on this 3 hour tour, but we did get frustrated a wee bit! For obvious reasons.
Anyway, we got there safe and sound to this place. Although, the leaves have turned and are off most of the trees, it was an amazing place and everyone got there finally later that night after EV.ER.Y.ONE got lost.
Saturday morning we had a big breakfast and a devotional with an amazing video and makes you realize just how small you are in this universe. Definatley pulled at the heart strings when it went into detail just how precious that moment is when life is produced. YEAH I GOT THAT THANKS.
We had not told anyone about what has been going because 1. we didn't want to take away from all of the couples that drank the water and got pregnant recently and 2. we didn't want the pity card pulled. It was very very hard to keep it together during that part of the video.
One of the guys wanted us to go around the room and say (if you wanted) something that you need prayers for. All Clint and I had to do was look at each other and we knew it was time. The time was right, the trust was there with the small group in attendance. It was time.
It got to Clint and he said, "Courtney and I have been struggling with something in our life since January...." My husband LOST it. He is the strong one! He is my pillar and to see him lose it was (this might be bad) comforting. To see how this is really affecting him made it easier on me. Although, I KNOW he is struggling, it is so good to see it on the outside. I fell in love with him more. I gathered myself and told everyone what was going on and there was not a dry eye in the room. One of the guys said, "can we stop right now and pray for y'all?!" Um yes please and thank you. We are an emotional train wreck over here.
I am so glad we told them. No one pulled the pity card and we felt so loved by each and every person. We know that what was said at the retreat was to stay in our circle and just to know that there are 12 other people thinking about us and praying for us is so humbling and I am without words. (shocker!) I can come up with a few though!!!
We realized that we can't do this alone anymore. I love you girls that read my ramblings and y'all are so supportive, but to actually have someone hug you and say "I wish I would have known sooner, so I could have gave you a listening ear or a hug" is priceless.
The best thing though is that because there were some single girls, that were on the trip, the guys and girls were split up (we had issues about this, but some people in the group were uncomfortable). That's for another post. We "kind of" let them know that this week was "Prime time game time" and that's why we had our own room. They were complete supportive in this. We took advantage. (wink wink)
Clint and I are so blessed. We have so many people in our lives that love us and want us to be parents. It was such a great weekend and a much needed emotional release. It brought me closer to these wonderful people AND to my amazing husband.
You might not feel comfortable telling people in real life of your IF issues and that's fine. You can do what is right for y'all, BUT it was time for us and it was better than we hoped. It's not just us dealing with this anymore, but we have a real life support group. A huge burden was lifted from us. You will just "know" if and when the time comes to open up about your struggles. People WANT to know that they aren't the only ones who feel like they are carrying the world on their shoulders. It not only helps you get that burden off your shoulders, but it takes the focus off of your problems and focusing on someone's elses problems. Everyone is struggling and hurting with something in their lives, you just have to be open and accept help.
Have a great week!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Sunny days
After my day yesterday as Upset Urma, fuming, having a good cry, and talking with Clint, I feel so much better. Today, I had the mentality of
Yes, that is a glass half FULL!
What do I have to be positive polly(thanks Devon) about?
I HAD 3 growing follicles yesterday! 3! The odds this cycle are that much better. I only had one last cycle. My CM is looking productive and I am going to jump my husbands bones as much as I can!!! Not that he will object.
I REFUSE to dwell on the things I can't control. I WILL NOT let negative thoughts overtake me and my relationship with Clint. That ugly negative monster creeped into my body the other night. I fell asleep and felt guilty the next morning because "we missed an opportunity"! I NEVER wanted to be like that. I don't want our sex life to be some calculated task.
I CHOOSE to accept the positive in today and be happy in the moment.
We are going on a Couples Retreat tomorrow for the weekend and I will take lots of pictures to show and tell. It will be great to get away and relax.
Have a great weekend loves!!!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
3x15
Hey ladies. So, usually I have a pretty postive rosy outlook on this infertility situation.
NOT TODAY!!!
Today, I am STR.UGG.LING!!! We (Clint got to go with me this time!) had a cycle day 14 ultrasound this morning to see the size of my follicle(s). Last month, my follie was all by its lonesome. Today, I have 3 on my right size at 15. That's great!!! That increases the odds for ovulating this month. The NP brought us back to discuss the follies and wanted me to come back in on Friday to see if they have increased.
(Now, is were Upset Urma comes into play) I went to check out and Clint went to check his missed calls from work. The check out lady? or whatever her title is, scheduled me for 8:30 Friday morning, which is great since we are going out of town on a Couples Retreat this weekend. Then, she crushes my world without even knowing it. She said, so this is marked under "INFERTILITY" and insurance won't cover it any longer so you owe ______ much" (^%*&(*()%$$&^()*^%$%^%&) I swallowed the rock in my throat and wrote the check. I walk out to Clint and notice I am biting my lip to keep from crying. It hit me like a ton of bricks that we are in fact (according to insurance standards) under the INFERTILITY section. Which means we are no longer being helped out by them. DONE! They are washing their hands of us.
Clint is so much more positive than I am about this and he said at least you can blog about this. (I couldn't bring myself to talk about it right then.) I am really having a hard time because we are actually now LABELED! It was just a thought in the back of my mind, but this morning it was out in full blazing glory.
It is hitting me just how much control we don't have over this. We could start shelling out money for monthly ultrasounds and one day if need be IUI or IVF, but we don't want it to go that far. We have decided that we will continue to do Clomid for as long as safely possible, buy OPK's each month, and have sex as much as we want. That leaves it up to God to make it happen. That in itself is very humbling and VERY hard; To let go and let God.
We will try for a couple of years(I pray it doesn't come to that!) and then we are going to look into adoption. There comes a time where we feel, it is in God's hands and His timing. What ever that may be.
Thanks for reading this and letting me get this off of my chest. This blog is so special to me because I can't say this to people in real life. They just don't understand.
I hope you are having a great hump day!!
(Now, is were Upset Urma comes into play) I went to check out and Clint went to check his missed calls from work. The check out lady? or whatever her title is, scheduled me for 8:30 Friday morning, which is great since we are going out of town on a Couples Retreat this weekend. Then, she crushes my world without even knowing it. She said, so this is marked under "INFERTILITY" and insurance won't cover it any longer so you owe ______ much" (^%*&(*()%$$&^()*^%$%^%&) I swallowed the rock in my throat and wrote the check. I walk out to Clint and notice I am biting my lip to keep from crying. It hit me like a ton of bricks that we are in fact (according to insurance standards) under the INFERTILITY section. Which means we are no longer being helped out by them. DONE! They are washing their hands of us.
Clint is so much more positive than I am about this and he said at least you can blog about this. (I couldn't bring myself to talk about it right then.) I am really having a hard time because we are actually now LABELED! It was just a thought in the back of my mind, but this morning it was out in full blazing glory.
It is hitting me just how much control we don't have over this. We could start shelling out money for monthly ultrasounds and one day if need be IUI or IVF, but we don't want it to go that far. We have decided that we will continue to do Clomid for as long as safely possible, buy OPK's each month, and have sex as much as we want. That leaves it up to God to make it happen. That in itself is very humbling and VERY hard; To let go and let God.
We will try for a couple of years(I pray it doesn't come to that!) and then we are going to look into adoption. There comes a time where we feel, it is in God's hands and His timing. What ever that may be.
Thanks for reading this and letting me get this off of my chest. This blog is so special to me because I can't say this to people in real life. They just don't understand.
I hope you are having a great hump day!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
The fall of the leaves!
Well, good morning! Yesterday, we were supposed to go visit Clint's mom, but plans fell through. We will see her this week sometime to celebrate her upcoming Bday.
I love the fact that I can write about whatever I want on this blog. I made it a broad name because my mind goes 872 different directions in a matter of minutes and I wanted to be able to write about whatever was going on in my life that was "worth it".
I think going through trials and tribulations in life does make you stronger. I would rather have gone through those rough times that not.
On Friday, I went to therapy. I haven't been in I think 8 weeks. It was great to see T. She is wonderful at what she does. We were talking about where my life has gone in the year I have been seeing her. I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. I was a selfish person, claiming not to be. Having an ED not specified is, to me, selfish. I was so absorbed in myself and thoughts about exercising, eating so much protein, and fighting the urge to overeat because my body was crazing food.
Sure, I wanted a baby, but I weas terrified of changing my body. It was all about me. I think that God was showimg me humilty. He was showing me that I WAS NOT HEALTHY ENOUGH. As a personal trainer, you have this persona to obtain. People are always looking at you by what you do or put in your mouth. That turned into an unhealthy situation.
Making the decision to get healthy was very hard. I struggled with it each day. It wasn't until the R.E. said that my hormone levels were good and my weight was at a happy place did I realize what I had done and who I was thinking about. ME!
A year later, and my priorities have COMPLETELY shifted. I want a baby badly and if I need to eat a cupcake I will. I might thing "oh dear goodness, I know how many calories that has!" but if it is for the hope of a baby then bring on the cuppycakes!
I know in my heart that this journey will be worth every struggle and tight pants day. I know that I am in a place in my life and my body that I am physically able to carry a baby if/when we conceive.
WAS IT WORTH IT??
~Yes, it was. I might have done some things differently, but those struggles have made me the person I am now. I am ready to be a mama, I am able to be a mama. An unselfish person, trying, with the help of my husband, raise a child in this world.
Instead of our plans yesterday, my husband declared Sunday afternoon not a day of rest and football, but of rakes, leaves, and blowers(not that kind!) We raked some of the yard and let me tell you, IT SUCKED!!
I have a deeper appreciation for him doing it all by himself last year. After an hour, I was done. Luckily so was he. Here are some pictures to document my helping of the leaf extraction from our yard.
Have a great day!!!!
I love the fact that I can write about whatever I want on this blog. I made it a broad name because my mind goes 872 different directions in a matter of minutes and I wanted to be able to write about whatever was going on in my life that was "worth it".
I think going through trials and tribulations in life does make you stronger. I would rather have gone through those rough times that not.
On Friday, I went to therapy. I haven't been in I think 8 weeks. It was great to see T. She is wonderful at what she does. We were talking about where my life has gone in the year I have been seeing her. I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. I was a selfish person, claiming not to be. Having an ED not specified is, to me, selfish. I was so absorbed in myself and thoughts about exercising, eating so much protein, and fighting the urge to overeat because my body was crazing food.
Sure, I wanted a baby, but I weas terrified of changing my body. It was all about me. I think that God was showimg me humilty. He was showing me that I WAS NOT HEALTHY ENOUGH. As a personal trainer, you have this persona to obtain. People are always looking at you by what you do or put in your mouth. That turned into an unhealthy situation.
Making the decision to get healthy was very hard. I struggled with it each day. It wasn't until the R.E. said that my hormone levels were good and my weight was at a happy place did I realize what I had done and who I was thinking about. ME!
A year later, and my priorities have COMPLETELY shifted. I want a baby badly and if I need to eat a cupcake I will. I might thing "oh dear goodness, I know how many calories that has!" but if it is for the hope of a baby then bring on the cuppycakes!
I know in my heart that this journey will be worth every struggle and tight pants day. I know that I am in a place in my life and my body that I am physically able to carry a baby if/when we conceive.
WAS IT WORTH IT??
~Yes, it was. I might have done some things differently, but those struggles have made me the person I am now. I am ready to be a mama, I am able to be a mama. An unselfish person, trying, with the help of my husband, raise a child in this world.
Instead of our plans yesterday, my husband declared Sunday afternoon not a day of rest and football, but of rakes, leaves, and blowers(not that kind!) We raked some of the yard and let me tell you, IT SUCKED!!
I have a deeper appreciation for him doing it all by himself last year. After an hour, I was done. Luckily so was he. Here are some pictures to document my helping of the leaf extraction from our yard.
PREPARATION MODE! HE ACTUALLY LOOKS EXCITED!
PART OF OUR BACKYARD. DOESN'T IT LOOK BEAUTIFUL?? IT IS SURELY NOT AFTER PILING THEM UP AND SWEATING LIKE A MAN IN A SAUNA.
I PRETENDED TO BE BADA$$. USING THIS THINGS MAKES YOUR HANDS TINGLE.
MY ATTEMPT TO KILL THE LEAVES AND MAKE THEM SUFFER. I SUFFERED MORE.
MY MAN SHOWING THE LEAVES WHO IS BOSS!
ARE WE DONE YET?? WE ONLY GOT A CORNER DONE?? WHAT THE &^&&^&*&((*)(*)(^^%%&???
SHE WAS NOT VERY HAPPY WITH DADDY! BUT SHE LOOKS SO DARN CUTE.
That was a memorable November 1. Next year, I am putting a net under the trees to catch the beautiful little turds before they hit the ground. I have learned my lesson. Thank you Mr. Clint for teaching me how hard it is to rake leaves. Have a great day!!!!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween Town
Happy Day after Halloween! I hope everyone's Hallow's Eve was great.
We didn't hand out candy tonight. I know bad cititzens that we are. Our neighborhood is a circle, which would be a great Trick-or-Treating experience for the little tikes, BUT it is full of hills and our houses are set back into woods. Not the best!
After training a client and getting a little cardio in myself, Clint and I came home and lounged. I took over an hour nap. That is just crazy for me! I have been working a lot more lately and I guess my body decided it was time she took the reins.
I had to get rested up for this!
We didn't hand out candy tonight. I know bad cititzens that we are. Our neighborhood is a circle, which would be a great Trick-or-Treating experience for the little tikes, BUT it is full of hills and our houses are set back into woods. Not the best!
After training a client and getting a little cardio in myself, Clint and I came home and lounged. I took over an hour nap. That is just crazy for me! I have been working a lot more lately and I guess my body decided it was time she took the reins.
I had to get rested up for this!
One of my husband's fun money spends is partial season tickets to the Nashville Predators. With our "plan" we get to pick the seats we want for each game. So for a great game we sit lower to the rink and the not so hot games we sit up a bit higher.
When we first starting dating, I had no idea about hockey. Well except for these guys.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6e/Mighty_ducks.jpg
Weren't those great movies. It is one of those movies that you want to go do after you watch it, then you realize you are idiot if you think you can just pick up this sport. HA. I like my teeth thank you very much. As my mom would say, "we spent a lot of month on that mouth." Yeah I know!
Needless, to say I knew nothing. Even to the point to where I would be people watching (Now that is my type of sport!) and actually miss goals because I wasn't paying a lick of attention. And apparently there is this zone that Clint gets in while the puck is in play. I would ask questions during this zone time. Umm....no maam. That's a no-no. He isn't mean about it at all thank goodness, its just he doesn't hear me. So I either figure out for myself or wait until the play is over to ask questions.
I have gotten to now where I really enjoy it. Especially the fights. I am a girly girl at heart and I get so excited when they start hitting. I scream and hoop and holler, when normally I clap here and there.
Last night there were so many people dressed up for the holiday. We saw "blind refs", this guy was sitting right behind us. (no not the real Will Ferrell)
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800019430/photo/970429259
There were cute litte kids dressed up trick or treating around the arena and people wearing things that are ONLY acceptable on Halloween. Well, maybe they shouldn't be.
We are not huge costume people so we dressed up like this.
Not especially festive, but cute!!
We are off to church this morning and then visiting MIL. Her birthday is this week, so we are going to spend some time with her. Have a great Sunday.
P.S. I am on CD11 and nothing really to discuss, except my libido is in extreme high gear. At least the husband can and wants to keep up. (wink wink!)
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